


something like courage

by evanslush (pastelslush)



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sleepy Cuddles, Trainee Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 15:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18920281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelslush/pseuds/evanslush
Summary: “Yanjun”“Hm?”“I want to debut with you.”A beat of silence. And then-"Me too."





	something like courage

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello this has been sitting in my drafts for so long i grew hair on my legs. like, legit.
> 
> anyways this was only around 400 words when i wrote this a year ago but i was suddenly inspired to finish this 1 year old draft of mine and so here it is, please enjoy :>

It’s way past midnight when the door to a practice room cracked open and a stream of light filtered onto the hallways outside. You can hear music that was played on repeat for the last three days, the singers of the song might as well be sick of hearing it all the time. But not confined anymore in those four walls, the beats of said song now walks outside and disappears along empty halls.

Beads of sweat fall down on the trainee’s neck, cascading on the sides of his face and not to mention his shirt is already soaked at the back and front.

He’s been practicing for almost 8 hours straight now, least to say he is striving for perfection. After all, what is a stage that could very well be your last if it’s easily forgotten? That doesn't leave a lasting impression on your audience? What kind of entertainer are you to not awe the people watching you, to disappoint them with a mediocre performance? You might as well have not performed.

“Then it will be ok.” The last beats of the music slowly die down as the trainee halts and trains his ending pose. He intensely criticise himself in the mirror as he heavily lets out puffs of his breath. He has his heartbeat thumping dangerously in his ribcage as he gasps for air. The last beat ends and he slackens, lying on his back in the middle of the practice room just trying to calm his heartbeat and relax his limbs. He counts in his head, one, two, three, steadying his breathing while he lets his eyes close gently.

In this period of time he must not slack off, he was given the most important position by his teammates, he should not let them down. He should not let the people supporting him down. These thoughts constantly swirl in his mind. They serve as motivation but with an added pressure to do good, to be the best center there is.

He opens his eyes, staring at the ceiling, the lights blinding hin for a bit as his body finally calms down. He turns his head to the side and lifts himself up to a sitting pose and crosses his legs.

He looks at the mirror, he looks at himself. His eye bags are now noticeable, his hair not styled in place and his clothes are in a bit of a disarray. He looks normal.

A scream is suddenly heard throughout the building, echoing in the hallways outside of the only occupied room on his floor. The scream came from that room. After letting out all the negativity out of him, he rises up, stomps in outright stubborn determination towards the mirror covering the wall. He rests his forehead on it as he jabs his index finger to his own reflection. Eyes full of unwavering prowess, he pep talks himself.

“Lin Yanjun, you will do great, you will be amazing and you will be handsome on stage! Even if it's the last stage you will do your best!!!” After shouting once more he smiles at himself, a dimple showing. He nods seriously in satisfaction, truly his dimples are the best. He steps back and his posture is confident, he smiles once more and whispers to himself “Lin Yanjun, jiayou”

He nods once more, as if in approval, and gathers his things. He turns off the speaker, shrugs on his bag, turns off the lights and exits the room.

When Yanjun arrives at the dorms, he quietly goes in his room that he shares with the others. He places his bag on the table, wrinkling his nose in disgust at seeing four huge cups of instant hotpot scattered on the other side of the room. He gets a change of clothing, his towel, and heads inside the bathroom.

๑๑๑

Zhangjing feels the bed dip in his sleep. He slowly flutters his eyes open when a body with a warmth so gentle cuddles in close to his back, an arm wrapping around his waist and pulling him close. He groans softly as he is positively manhandled, the person behind him says nothing just caresses his waist in circular motions.

He turns around, rustling his comforter as he fully opens his eyes to look at his intruder. “Yanjun, couldn’t you just sleep in your own bed?” He quirks his eyebrows though he does nothing to stop the other's hand from holding his waist again. Yanjun just smirks “Are you still mad at me for eating your apple?” He teases and Zhangjing pouts “I wanted to eat that apple” He grumbles softly and buries his nose in Yanjun’s neck, smelling the scent of fresh soap and mint. Yanjun chuckles and Zhangjing just continues to grumble about how there’s no respect and care in the world anymore.

They naturally fall into place, like pieces of a puzzle. Their legs tangle, Yanjun’s hand goes under Zhangjing’s head so he’s resting on it, his other hand settling nicely on the small of Zhangjing's back as Zhangjing plays with the front of his undershirt. Yanjun tucks Zhangjing securely under his chin as the other molds himself to Yanjun. They slowly fall into silence.

“Yanjun”

“Hm?”

“I want to debut with you.”

A beat of silence. And then-

"Me too."

Two words. Only two words and yet Zhangjing feels the weight of them on his entire being. All at once he's overcome by waves of emotions, stinging his eyes and squeezing at his chest. He feels it in the ache of his body because of practicing too hard, doing much more than he could handle. He feels it in the soreness of his throat from singing the damn song's lyrics repeatedly from morning 'till midnight. Until it was all he knew what to sing. It's okay.

But is it really okay? Like this? When debut is so near yet so, so far. Like it's just at the tip of his fingers but lightyears away at the same time. It feels unattainable, uncertain. The future looming over him like a beast upon it's prey, waiting to devour until the very last pieces of him can no longer be found.

And suddenly, all at once, the cold bitterness of their situation comes crashing down on him. They're just trainees parading around, trying to prove to people that they are so much more. Desperate to continue this life that came from chance, desperate to achieve their dream and show their worth.

Because right now, people are cheering for them, for him, but what happens after? What if he doesn't make it? Will he even be remembered at all? Will the tears he's shed warrant any meaning? And if he does debut, what about Yanjun?

Lin Yanjun who always makes him happy, who makes all the rain and grey skies go away. Who holds his hand without question when he's afraid, who always goes out of his way to make sure Zhangjing feels welcome and appreciated.

It's silly to be acting like this. He knows that it's only a year or so of debut but imagining a day where he can't hear Yanjun's laugh or see him smile at him out of nowhere makes him feel sad. A selfish kind of sad that makes him want to be happy, whatever the cost may be. And as long as he has Yanjun beside him, he knows he won't be sad.

Yanjun's arms wrap themselves tightly around Zhangjing, bringing the older boy closer to him, leaving only a tiny bit of space between their bodies. Yanjun starts to pepper his head with little kisses and only then does Zhangjing register that he's shaking and his tears have fallen.

He begins to calm himself down, gripping onto the front of Yanjun's shirt like an anchor. Yanjun says nothing, just continues to hold him like he's protecting him from the cruel uncertainty of their reality. Shielding him from the inevitable deadline of the dream they're living as time continues to flow outside their little bubble.

Only when Zhangjing's tears have finally dried up, his breathing clearer, does Yanjun break the silence.

"Jing?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's debut together."

Zhangjing sniffles. The words registering in his mind and he wriggles around a bit to stare up at Yanjun.

Yanjun stares back with flames in his eyes and he's filled with so much certainty and conviction that Zhangjing is immediately engulfed in the fire that is Lin Yanjun. His heart burns and he feels it thumping in his chest, a sudden burst of adrenaline coming from nowhere and everywhere all at the same time.

For the second time that day in Yanjun's presence, Zhangjing feels a tsunami of emotions crashing upon him, overwhelming him and overflowing to the point of no return, to the very brink of his sanity.

And Zhangjing holds on to Yanjun's words like a lifeline, a branch on the edge of a cliff.

With all the emotions that this boy has made him feel, he smiles up at him.

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> 70% of this was written in a somewhat writing haze where i didnt think i just pressed my fingers on the keyboard and posted for the sake of it. i dont know what im doing sooo please let me know your thoughts! if you see any mistakes dont hesitate to tell me uwu


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